Perfectly Perfect.

We smooched our princess pie last week Friday as she went into sedation to have her broviac removed. What a joyful amazing day it was. Goodbye TUBE! It felt incredible to throw out her heparin. She always does so amazing through any procedure, even with the 12 hours of no food. She's not a big eater still although her thighs tell a different story.

I am ready to get over the baby food hump and start on big kid foods. She's currently working on breaking through her top 2 teeth, she has started crawling and attempts at doing "SOOO BIG"

So many tears have been shed the last few months, it feels good to start moving on finally. I am still dealing with a lot of anxiety about her being in remission but I have found a wonderful therapist that has my best interest in mind and hoping that we can get over this so I can learn better strategies to be the best mom and wifey that I can be.

We should hear tomorrow about her Catacholomine numbers again, praying that they are still normal and we won't see any spikes. Scans again in august, so at least we'll have our summer to not worry about Cancer as much. Not that we'll ever forget the tremendous strides we have gone through, not that we will forget the wonderful friends that we've made, and we won't ever forget the kids that have made such a huge impact and still do on our lives.

Mallory's 1st Big girl BATH! What a GREAT experience, she was a little freaked out at first but perked up and LOVED IT! I am hoping she'll be a water baby just like her big Sis.

Jillian and I have been quiet busy lately perfecting our Cake making skill's, she's pretty awesome at stirring and sitting on the counter helping me out. She say's "I STIR!" and "BIRDAY CAKE" the only problem is I have to hide every cake mix in this house because I'll ask her what she wants for a snack or dinner and she'll pull out a cake. I am a nice mom, but NOT that NICE! lol.

There will be many many bath pictures of the sis's together, ohhhh how I have longed for this moment. So sweet, so amazing, such a great feeling. We love our bath time in this family, it's a big part of the bedtime routine. 1. Bath 2. Brush Teeth 3. Read a Book 4. Say Prayers 5. Turn out the light. Jillian's new favorite book is "The Belly Button Book" by Susan Boyton pretty much she says "Bee-Boo" every time we turn the page and we can't help but giggle. She's a quick learner that's for sure. We've struggled the last month with getting back into a set "routine" at home, this goes for EVERYTHING even simple things including meals. What the heck do people cook when there home all the time? I am used to living off of hospital and fast food and whatever dish people would help us with. I guess now is the time to start begging for recipes. I did make some yummy fajita's tonight but of course forgot sour cream, lettuce, and peppers so it was rice, chicken and tortilla's, still good but it was for sure missing SOMETHING.

Jillian rocking some big girl undies. Totally not there yet with the whole potty training thing, we're working on learning to sit on the potty right now. Big Step for us, and for me, I have been struggling with this whole potty training thing, I swear the girl will be in diapers for the rest of her life with my lack of motivation lately. We will wait till she's ready and just encourage little things here and there to get her used to it.

My beautiful new raspberry colored walls and brightly colored curtains, I can't wait to add some great big giant pictures of the girls on the wall, make a new entertainment center and jazz it up a little bit. Once I am done with this room It's onto the KITCHEN! Which will be tougher than the living room, but totally worth making our house transition into a more "kid fun" grown up space. If that makes any sense. I am just done with the typical "house" decor.

Our wonderful neighboor spolied the girls with some delicious watermelon and cantaloupe the other day and we had ourselves a Watermelon party. Complete with a Nana and a Whisk. Everyone knows that you have to "I STIR" a watermelon before eating it. The girls have been enjoying being outside all the time lately, it's been AMAZING. Now we need it to heat up a little bit so we can have some fun pool time again! Jillian totally rocks at swimming, she jumps right off of the ladder and into the water, she is sooooooooo cute to watch swim.

One of the things I've been looking forward to for a very long long time is "ART" time in our house, and we sure do a lot of it. We color multiple times a day and pull out the paint once or twice a week. Today was an extra special paint day because my little nephew Zach had a sleepover last night and helped us paint. They made me the BEST posters for my hallway walls ever. I am a sucker for art by kids, seriously who doesn't love paint covered in glitter to display on the walls? I also have a really hard time getting rid of any scribbles my sweet peanut Jill does, She is serious about her scribbles. I adore them, they mean so much to me and the added "I COWLOOOO" "PERPUL" help a little bit too.

 These 2 girls mean the world to me.

I don't strive to be the "perfect" mom, the most "perfect" relationship, with the most "perfect" house, and the most "perfect" children (They are perfect to me, but lets face it, my 2 year old likes diet coke and my 8 month old sleeps with a bottle in her mouth), . To hell with that I say, we're just us, and I am perfectly content with just that, it's perfectly perfect to me.

HOORAY NO MORE BROVIAC!

Tomorrow is "a" BIG DAY!

BYE BYE BROVIAC!

They bumped up the peanut's surgery to have it removed because the stitches came loose.
I am a basket case. This time in a good way.

6 months ago on December 1st they put it in her, and tomorrow June 1st they are taking it out. It's bittersweet. I know she is done with it and so are we.

We have not given Mallory a bath in 6 months, we have not been able to hold her without a shirt on, we can't leave the room if we're changing clothes so everything needs to be readily avaliable and you MUST be prepared, no more shimmy and shaking for blood draws (although she will have to be poked every month), no more heparin locking her broviac every morning, no increased risk of infection due to her having a central line, and did I mention she gets to show off that cute as can be chubby tummy of hers that is ohhh so cute and ohhh so kissable.

These are happy tears today, she managed to stump so many doctors, and then exceeded there expectations and rocked at chemo. Now there is a clear light at the end of the tunnel and it is so so so beautiful.

Look how our garden grows.

"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive that is you-er than YOU!!"
-Dr. Suess

Miss Princess Pants decided that while I was inside with Miss Mally that she would grab the cup of paint I had laying in the grass and design her own headboard. At first I was mortified, but then the giggles set in and guess what it's the little things in life that matter. I think She did a GREAT job and it's a one of a kind piece. I will be adding the Dr. Suess Quote along with a few other personal touches as well. It's going to be amazing! :-)

Mallasarus has been a grumpasuras while teething. Her 2 top teeth our on there way in and her attitude is just not the same. Reminds me a little bit of chemo days except without the puking. She is sitting up on her own now as well, she's such a sweet sweet little girl.

This Perky flower is here to stay
there will be no more chemo today.

just smiles & giggles & maybe a nap
time to have lunch & time on a lap the sunshine and blue skies are telling us
that God always is there
watching, protecting, love us
& helping Mal grow some hair
- Aunt Julie & Amy wrote the poem, I just adore it.

And hair we are growing, poor girls scalp is scaly but it is SOOOOO soft and SOOOOO blonde. I can't wait till she gets a little bit more and it feels all funny, maybe she'll even have enough to rub birthday cake in it on her 1st Birthday. Hehehe. (Which I should probably start planning a little bit seeing as how it's only 4 months away! YIKES!)

Jillian and I went and bought flowers today to plant, so this year our flower box contains FLOWERS instead of weeds, imagine that! How exciting! I've got to get more pictures tomorrow, I only worked out front for 3 hours, next up is our veggie garden that we probably should have planted a few weeks ago maybe, ummm not sure, maybe someone along the way can clue us in on that. We're new to this whole planting, working around the yard thing, we've only lived in our house for 4 years. Newbies hahaha.

So in all I've stayed pretty busy, this week Thursday we have a physical for Mally, blood work, and a meeting with the doctors to go over the official results of everything. 13 more days till Mall's broviac comes out. Maybe I can beg and they can get it out sooner. I was doing her patch change today and all the stiches around it have come off so we will see what they say.

Life in our house has been better, much better, less stressful. My house is trashed, there are dishes in the sink, laundry to be folded, I'm in mid painting mode in the living room, curtains need to be hung up and so on and so forth but ehhh who cares.

I have terrible terrible anxiety that comes and goes, search for a new therapist is on the agenda. I keep having bouts of nausea (NO NOT PREGNANT) at night that sometimes end up with me getting sick because I just can't seem to calm down. There are so many people that don't make it to the remission "phase" of treatment but there wasn't this HUGE HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulders like I had thought there would be. During the day I am so busy with the girls that I'm totally fine but once it's time to settle down and go to sleep my mind just keeps playing tricks on me. What if they didn't kill ALL of the cancer? And it's not just cancer, its thinking about driving in the car with the girls, what if someone hits us? What if my kid runs out into the road and gets hit? I can't live my life fearing things that might happen and I'm doing the best I can to not worry but it just doesn't stop. It never stops. I'm not so sure that it ever will. For right now we're going from moment to moment and it's working pretty well, I just seem to be stuck in the world of the what if's right now.

Our sweet babe was diagnosed 6 months ago today, not a day goes by where I don't worry, where I don't relive that pain of her initial diagnosis. "Neuroblastoma" - we had never heard of before and here we are 6 months later more educated than we ever thought possible. No M-Nyc amplification, Favorable Histology, You name it, we've heard it. It's been so painful, so so so painful to go through, to watch Mallory suffer through it all, and to see her now and how Healthy she is and not knowing through it all that the chemo really did make her so so so sick, so pale, so restless, it was exhausting, it's exhausting just to think about. I just pray that we never have to relive those days, 6 months seems short when you talk to other parents, some cancer's are treated for years, and some kids have to go on clinical trials because the chemo that they have doesn't work, I can't even imagine, 6 months has been enough but some people do it for years and years and years. HOW UNFAIR? HOW AWFUL?


It's been great to spend the entire month of May at home for that I am entirely grateful, I am grateful Mallory has had no surgeries, no chemo, no blood transfusions, no pokes, no nothing. I am thankful that Jillian has been able to go back to a little bit more normal, she is blossoming right before our eyes finally. Thank You Lord for taking care of our family and looking after us in these times where some days it's just plain hard.

More Summer, Why Not?

I may have gone a little picture "happy" lately. :-) It's been pretty hot in Michigan lately and poor Miss Malibu is a SAUNA! That girl is ready to rock her bikini, and being pretty chunky is really cute but does not make going through the hot weather easy. Yesterday I was cooling the poor girl down with a washcloth. But we do have a broviac removal date,

JUNE 11TH!

Which in my opinion seems like an eternity away, but ehhh it'll go by quickly I hope. I've had pretty bad anxiety when it comes time to sit still and relax especially bed time. This Momma is hovering the toliet all the time, it's a strange strange feeling to have it constantly and I know that it's just everything poor Mally has been through and I'm just struggling when it comes to her being in remission because now we're just watching it. We will continue to watch it for 3 more years, I just pray that it doesn't come back, that she never has to go through this again, that our family can just be our family with out the big CANCER word in the mix all the time. I'm trying to focus all my energy on my sweet little girls and summer which has been such a RIOT but it's definitely an adjustment.