Sunday, January 15, 2012

I'm Moving On

I have had a complete Mind, Body and Soul recharge, that was the goal. I am going home with a level head, a lighter heart, and an open mind to what the next few months entail of me.

I have had time to think, and I now know what I need to do to make this go as smoothly as possible.
I have decided it's in my best interest to ask for extra help.

Mallory is a tough cookie some day's, she doesn't sleep fantastic, she doesn't eat fantastic, and she knows what she wants and when she wants it. Far from My little Whimsical Child Jillian who has always gone with the flow, done things at her own pace, and has been all around an easy kid (once she got over colic!).

Although Mallory can be difficult, I think its part of what is going to make her strong enough to fight this Cancer. She is strong willed, I can already see this. It is also what I love about her. From Day 1, you could tell this Girl was different. She took all those "What to expect" books and threw them out the window. As a parent I started from scratch, I thought I knew what to expect, how to do everything but Mallory changed the game.

There are many AMAZING things about both girls, I try not to compare them but sometimes its fun. Like Jillian was my tall lanky baby who took a long time to get any baby rolls and she also had lots of hair when she was born, and here comes Mallory so chubby, so petite, she looked like one of those perfect round Gerber babies! My Labors with both girls were SO different, I also had very different pregnancies. And they look a lot alike, although I did not think so at first, but now I see it all the time.

Mallory lights up at the sight of Jillian, there are many days when I'll have both girls snuggled up on my lap and she will just crack up just looking at her sister. It's the deep belly laugh, the one that just melts your heart and you just can see the pure joy she gets already from her Big Sister. I know we have years of bickering, fighting, and crying ahead of us (Trust me I KNOW, I had a Big Sister who was only a year older than me!) but for now I am going to savor the sweet sound of the deep belly laughs, the warm smiles, and the mass amounts of cuddling I get because someday they might get to big for them.

What amazes me the most is that Ryan from the day we found out we were pregnant with Jillian, stepped up to the plate, put his "#1 Dad" shirt on and has just adored these girls. You can tell that they love him so much. Most Men have a hard time with the "baby" age, but not him, he's a pro. We've gone through a lot in the past 6.5 years (ALMOST 7!!!!) but hey thats alright, that's how you know that we're gonna make it. That we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, because we've walked through wind, rain, and fire together and it hasn't torn us apart, it's what makes us stronger.

If you would have told me 7 years ago that I was about to meet the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with I would have laughed, no way, no how. I was only 17. If you would have told me that he was going to be my best friend, we would buy a house together and have 2 beautiful children, I wouldn't have believed you. If you would have told me my 2nd child would have cancer, I wouldn't have believed you. That we would make it even though things at times have been rocky, I wouldn't have believed you. But we're standing tall, we've got a heavy load on our shoulders and We are STANDING TALL!

We're getting married on July 7th of this year (I know, confusing for a lot of people but hey I haven't looked forward to wedding planning so I procrastinated on making it official, I already call him my hubs). I bought my dress, booked the reception hall and church, found an amazing photographer, lined up a wonderful Pastor who has been apart of Ryan's Family for many years. When we found out that Mallory was sick and that the next few months were going to be rocky, I was ready to once again post pone our wedding. But then I realized something, none of the doilies, flowers, lavish expensive things are important. The only thing that matters to us is that on July 7th I am going to Marry My best Friend, that It doesn't matter what does or doesn't get done when it comes to wedding planning. I am going to be Mrs. Wiersma on July 7th. I am going to officially be his wife.  This is the ONLY important thing there is about that day, so no our wedding probably won't be featured in a bridal magazine, but I can guarantee that it's going to be one of the best days of our life.

So in all the past 7 years have held a lot of ups and downs, but looking at all the "ups" of life, we've had a pretty good run. Although Mallory has cancer, it's been stressful, I wouldn't change it, it's going to make her, us, and Jillian better people because of it. It's humbled us, made us realize that life sometimes isn't perfect, doesn't go according to plan, that we just have to keep moving on.