Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Look how our garden grows.

"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive that is you-er than YOU!!"

-Dr. Suess

Miss Princess Pants decided that while I was inside with Miss Mally that she would grab the cup of paint I had laying in the grass and design her own headboard. At first I was mortified, but then the giggles set in and guess what it's the little things in life that matter. I think She did a GREAT job and it's a one of a kind piece. I will be adding the Dr. Suess Quote along with a few other personal touches as well. It's going to be amazing! :-)

Mallasarus has been a grumpasuras while teething. Her 2 top teeth our on there way in and her attitude is just not the same. Reminds me a little bit of chemo days except without the puking. She is sitting up on her own now as well, she's such a sweet sweet little girl.

This Perky flower is here to stay
there will be no more chemo today.

just smiles & giggles & maybe a nap

time to have lunch & time on a lap
the sunshine and blue skies are telling us
that God always is there
watching, protecting, love us
& helping Mal grow some hair

- Aunt Julie & Amy wrote the poem, I just adore it.

And hair we are growing, poor girls scalp is scaly but it is SOOOOO soft and SOOOOO blonde. I can't wait till she gets a little bit more and it feels all funny, maybe she'll even have enough to rub birthday cake in it on her 1st Birthday. Hehehe. (Which I should probably start planning a little bit seeing as how it's only 4 months away! YIKES!)

Jillian and I went and bought flowers today to plant, so this year our flower box contains FLOWERS instead of weeds, imagine that! How exciting! I've got to get more pictures tomorrow, I only worked out front for 3 hours, next up is our veggie garden that we probably should have planted a few weeks ago maybe, ummm not sure, maybe someone along the way can clue us in on that. We're new to this whole planting, working around the yard thing, we've only lived in our house for 4 years. Newbies hahaha.

So in all I've stayed pretty busy, this week Thursday we have a physical for Mally, blood work, and a meeting with the doctors to go over the official results of everything. 13 more days till Mall's broviac comes out. Maybe I can beg and they can get it out sooner. I was doing her patch change today and all the stiches around it have come off so we will see what they say.

Life in our house has been better, much better, less stressful. My house is trashed, there are dishes in the sink, laundry to be folded, I'm in mid painting mode in the living room, curtains need to be hung up and so on and so forth but ehhh who cares.

I have terrible terrible anxiety that comes and goes, search for a new therapist is on the agenda. I keep having bouts of nausea (NO NOT PREGNANT) at night that sometimes end up with me getting sick because I just can't seem to calm down. There are so many people that don't make it to the remission "phase" of treatment but there wasn't this HUGE HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulders like I had thought there would be. During the day I am so busy with the girls that I'm totally fine but once it's time to settle down and go to sleep my mind just keeps playing tricks on me. What if they didn't kill ALL of the cancer? And it's not just cancer, its thinking about driving in the car with the girls, what if someone hits us? What if my kid runs out into the road and gets hit? I can't live my life fearing things that might happen and I'm doing the best I can to not worry but it just doesn't stop. It never stops. I'm not so sure that it ever will. For right now we're going from moment to moment and it's working pretty well, I just seem to be stuck in the world of the what if's right now.

Our sweet babe was diagnosed 6 months ago today, not a day goes by where I don't worry, where I don't relive that pain of her initial diagnosis. "Neuroblastoma" - we had never heard of before and here we are 6 months later more educated than we ever thought possible. No M-Nyc amplification, Favorable Histology, You name it, we've heard it. It's been so painful, so so so painful to go through, to watch Mallory suffer through it all, and to see her now and how Healthy she is and not knowing through it all that the chemo really did make her so so so sick, so pale, so restless, it was exhausting, it's exhausting just to think about. I just pray that we never have to relive those days, 6 months seems short when you talk to other parents, some cancer's are treated for years, and some kids have to go on clinical trials because the chemo that they have doesn't work, I can't even imagine, 6 months has been enough but some people do it for years and years and years. HOW UNFAIR? HOW AWFUL?

It's been great to spend the entire month of May at home for that I am entirely grateful, I am grateful Mallory has had no surgeries, no chemo, no blood transfusions, no pokes, no nothing. I am thankful that Jillian has been able to go back to a little bit more normal, she is blossoming right before our eyes finally. Thank You Lord for taking care of our family and looking after us in these times where some days it's just plain hard.

1 comment:

  1. I would get anxiety attacks after my kids went to sleep too. I also could& did throw up! I think your subconscious allows itself to let it's "guard" down because your responsibility for the day is done, and you can allow yourself a crack-up.