Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Life did NOT give us Lemons.

I am having an all around rough day (I did have 3 AMAZING visitors). I am laughing, then crying, then laughing then crying and so forth and on and on all day long. We are being discharged tomorrow which should be GREAT news but we have hardly any information. My heart aches. I just want to know exactly what is wrong with my baby and how are we are going to deal with this.

The not knowing part sucks.
Cancer Sucks.

We have to come back thursday and friday to finish up some of the last tests. Then hopefully they will give us the answers sometime next week.

I can barely breathe anymore. I am putting on a brave face (which includes a lot of makeup to cover up the huge ugly bags under my eyes, and I will possibly need to start dying my hair since I can feel the grays starting to show).

I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.

I need visitors this week, I will need them for months, I need you guys. So please come keep me company. I need you. Thanks to everyone so far, you have touched our hearts, you have kept us going.


Tuesday's Update

Tuesday came and went, and we still haven't gotten the pathology report yet. We did have a sit-down with one of the oncologists, and they only had "preliminary information".  The waiting is the hardest part.

Based on preliminary information, it is Stage 4 neuroblastoma, with "favorable" N-MYC amplification.

The staging number isn't really an indicator of prognosis. Stage 4 is a scary number, because that's as high as the scale goes. But it is really just a description of her overall state. The devil is in the details, such as N-MYC amplification. Hers being "favorable" based on "preliminary" information is a small glimpse of joy for us.

Trust us, we will explain all of this once we get our data, and once we can understand it and put it into our own words.

There still can be a wolf in sheep's clothing somewhere in this mix, and that's why they made sure to mention over and over that this is preliminary information.

They are telling us now that next week Thursday they will have all of the information, and will have already met as a board of oncologists to plan her care. They will then reveal all of the information and her course of treatment to us.

On to the better news, we're being discharged tomorrow (Wednesday)! Mallory is recovering very nicely from her surgery, and we can do the rest of the tests in outpatient care. It is hard to leave before we have more information about our daughter, but it will be very nice to be able to relax at home.

We love you all, and thanks for the ongoing prayer and support!

-Ryan & Ash
Who has two pink ears and is still smiling?


Thanks to Christy K. for the amazing photographs!