Sunday, April 8, 2012


My life has been torn apart. My heart is broken. My mind is Heavy. My family is my entire life, my dedication, worth every fight. And here I am broken, torn into a million pieces, and I'm not sure where to begin to fix the pieces.

I don't know what to do, I can't imagine my life without Ryan, without Jillian's face light up everytime she see's him, and the heart melting giggles Mallory gets from his ticklish beard filled kisses.. This is my family. These are the important things, to simplfie our lives so that we can live like better people.

How do we fix this? Our lives were PERFECT a year ago, And here we are, not perfect, not anywhere close.

I just remember so many things, they way he kissed me for the first time, the late night car rides listening to music, how he plays with my hair, the day he asked me out driving down the road on July 8th at 11:11. Finding out what our kids we're going to be "GIRLS", the birth of our first daughter Jillian the perfect 8lb, 21inch beautiful little girl. The 2nd birth of Mallory at 7lbs 10oz, 19.5 inches long perfectly perfect too. The joy we had meeting each of these beautiful souls, and how are souls seemed to be more and more entwined. And here we are "Seperated". Our dinner ended up with me walking out, tears streaming down my face, calling Erika to come pick me up on the side of 28th street, I wanted to throw my engagement ring into the road. I wanted to SCREAM at the world. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU CANCER. FUCK YOU,

We were the PERFECT family, 7 years togther, 2 beautiful daughters, a beautiful house.

We've never been here, never thought we would be here, and here we are, I'm not so sure

I'm not ready to give up, but somehow we're at this rock bottom shit hole that we've been dealt.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how life got this way. It's not over, in no way over but for now "seperation" seems to fit our situation the best currently. So seperated we are, it might last a day, or a week, or a year. But we've got a lot of things to figure out.

I love you Ryan Wiersma.
I love you Jillian Ava
I love you Mallory Aleda

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are

How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

 don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my loveI'm still looking up