Friday, July 27, 2012

Scan Time

Next order of business (besides the crazy crazy wedding planning) is Mal's scans.

August 7th is her ultrasound & MIBG injection then on the 8th is the big MIBG/CT scan.
This is her 1st scans since being deemed in remission, we are holding out a lot of hope considering her chatacolomine numbers have gone back to normal (after her little bump).

I'm a little nervous since she is a wee bit bigger and we still have to do the "no food or drink after 4:30 am" and she has to have an IV instead of being sedated through her broviac. She's a tough kiddo so I know she'll do fine and I pretty much don't get any bit stressed out with sedation anymore or blood draws. It's just a normal part of life for her and something that we have to do regardless of how much it sucks.

Just praying that she has clear scans again so we can just continue moving forward.

I am super excited in less than a month I will marry my best friend! and in less than 2 months our tiniest tiniest fighter will be 1. Seriously it's been a crazy hectic ride this year, so glad we've taken the reins and are ending it with some pretty big bangs!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Our Sweet Sweet Babe is 10 months old tomorrow.

May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty, the glass never empty
And know in your belly, you're never alone

May your tears come from laughing, you find friends worth having
As every year passes, they mean more than gold
May you win and stay humble, smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble, you're never alone

Never alone, never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown
Wherever you fly this isn't goodbye
My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone

Never Alone - Lady Antebellum w/ Jim Brickman

I am excited to announce that Ry & I are getting married on August 25th.

We are keeping it quaint, simple, small and beautiful. This is something we've wanted to do for a long time and with all of the mountains we've climbed this year it seems fitting to end it with a brand new start, the first day of the rest of our lives. We don't know what the future holds for our family but I guarantee it's got an abundance of blessings in store for us. To have our 2 little girls there to celebrate this huge milestone means the world to us. We love Jillian & Mallory with all our hearts.

And 1 month after our wedding our sweet sweet peanut will be 1! I can't believe I'm already talking about getting stuff ready for her party. When she was 2 months old we were told she had "cancer", and now we're planning some wonderful birthday shenanigans, a birthday we weren't so sure she'd have. But Here we are, planning a birthday party for our sweet sweet babe. It's going to be an open invite birthday, we would like to share this amazing day with all the people that helped us this past year. That cried with us, hugged us, sent us cards, and prayed for our family. Without you guys, I don't think we would have made it over the mountain.

She's our little SUNSHINE and we want to share her with the world! She still has at least 3 years of scans, blood draws, and urine checks before she's deemed cured but we're taking it day by day. We want the world to know who Mallory is, what she fought, and that there are so many children just like her. That are fighting for there lives, who inspire us everyday. We continue to pray that with the Lord's help we find a cure for these beautiful souls. We are very very blessed to have Mallory, to have reached this point, and we couldn't have done it without the Lord watching over us, without all of your prayers, without all of your support. So please feel free to message me on here or add me to facebook if you would like to celebrate this beautiful life with us.

We will be doing a balloon launch on this day as well, so if you cannot join us but want to celebrate please let a balloon fly high on the 23rd for the kids that are fighting or who have gained there angel wings.

She's come a long way from this day.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

we make mud, we make memories


These are a bunch of my crazy Nieces and Nephews from Ry's side. I LOVE them all so dearly. The love in this family is incredible, I am so proud to say that even though I've known them for 7 years that on August 25th I will be "OFFICIAL" part of the fam! These kids have so so much love, and seeing that there lives even were effected by Mal's situation breaks my heart but it makes me so grateful that they really are just full of so much love and each time I get to see them there is never a lack of that for sure.

 So Jake, Sydy, Kel, Ben & Will you are my Rock stars! Thanks for being so Amazing!!!

Friday, July 13, 2012


Mal's numbers were 21.1 and 13.1!

This means her numbers were greatly effected by her diet last time, I don't know how we're going to continue her strictly formula diet the older she gets but we'll figure it out.

(Mal totally borrowed her Sister's old glasses for a photoshoot!)

We are going to enjoy a stress free day!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

This little light of mine

Isn't she just so perfect, so kissable, so sweet?

I am proud to be her mom!

We are anxiously awaiting this week, we do another catacholomine test to see where her levels are at. This past test we received meehhhh not the numbers we had hoped for.

So tomorrow starts Day #1 of only formula for our little chick-a-dee so we can see if maybe her diet did in fact effect her numbers. I tried diligently to watch everything she ate according to the sheet they gave us (which includes peanut butter, vanilla, beans, chocolate, caffeine, and all citrus fruits and juices). I am not so sure what we're going to do when she's off formula, maybe we'll be crazy people and put her on toddler formula once she's 1 so we can continue to monitor the numbers correctly. We have to do this test once a month for however long and I'm not so sure how we're going to keep her off of real people food. She's got plenty of little chompers now (5!) so she just wants to EAT. But maybe after this test we'll have a better understanding of where to go and what to do.

We also have scans late next week or the week after, the dreadful scan time. We'll see how that'll go considering she no longer has a broviac and she'll have to have an IV in place for that.

She's amazing, she's doing great, and we couldn't be more proud of our little sunshine.

Monday, July 2, 2012


I've tried to keep a hopeful spirit about Mal, she is my perfect sweet baby girl. My world revolves around the girls, they mean everything to me. 7 months ago my world came crashing down, cancer? seriously cancer?

I am still in shock, 7 months later. The thing about cancer is, it changes you, it makes you fight harder, it makes you take in more of life, it makes you grateful for the days that you have. It is also haunting, extremely haunting.

Mal's cancer stumped her doctors, how does a 2 month old get double adrenal tumors? They didn't know how to formally treat it, the fact that standard protocol didn't work even though she has the non-amplified favorable neuroblastoma, so we took a different route that would hopefully neuter the cancer. Now It's time to sit back and wait since right now the cancer is in remission (meaning : it's quiet). She still has a mass that's just sitting there, and we just wait. I think the fact that her numbers climbed up the scale makes me nervous, are we just waiting around for the cancer to re-manifest itself?

She's been able to be a baby for the past 1 and 1/2 months now, its been amazing. I am cherishing every second, but not a second goes by where I don't worry about her.

The tears come and go and I relive the fear that she just might not make it. That we will live another nightmare, and how does one make it through this? I'm not supposed to think of what could happen, I try to stay positive but when your daughter has cancer all you can think about is what if she doesn't make it. What do we do? I keep having visions of her dying all the time. I have visions of Mallory dying on the operating table, what if they had to remove that tumor? I have visions of having to make the choice to stop treatment. I just can't figure out how to cope, and not any amount of therapy is going to make this go away until we are YEARS out. I just want to watch Mallory blossom into a little girl, one with no worries in the world, I just need her to keep going. The things I've watched her do amaze me, she is in love with her big sister, she is always smiling, she just lights up at the site of us. I just can't miss anything, I can't wait to see her walk, and to celebrate her birthday, and to watch all of the amazing milestones that are coming.

I am carrying on everyday with the hopes that this will someday be over, that someday it'll be just a distant memory. I still struggle, I struggle everyday with this. Hopefully this number jump is just a bump in the road but fear has once again taken over.