Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Chemo starts tomorrow.

 I've spent my day, packing, kissing boo boo's, rocking Mally, changing diapers (2 in diapers = A LOT OF DIAPERS, it also equals lots of messes because sometimes I forget to change 1 of them! Bad Mom, I know.), and basically running around like a chicken with its head cut off. But I did manage to sneak in some photo's with my sweet sweet babes!

Any picture I get with my girls together looks like this, Jillian LOVES her little sister but will NOT hold her, so I totally take what I can get. And I LOVE IT! My girls are pretty cute, Boogey (Jill) and Punky (Mallory) are their NEW nicknames! Yes I am awesome like that, if you're around me enough eventually I will come up with a GREAT nickname for you too!

Tomorrow starts Chemo, 3 day hospital stay. Hopefully we will be home on Christmas Eve. I have google'd and yahoo'd what to expect with a baby on chemo but there is absolutely no information about it. And they give you a general idea nausea (feeling sick), vomiting (being sick), diarrhea, hair loss, increased risk of infection, bruising and bleeding, mouth sores, and tiredness. But what does this mean for a baby? How does this affect a baby? I am not sure what to expect, but 1 thing we know for sure our girl with the cutest little tuft of hair is getting a hair cut so we can save her baby curl before its gone. I pray that God hold her in his hands through this, keep her and our family strong.

One thing Ryan and I have discussed is that we will be putting ourselves in type of therapy. This blog has amazingly helped us so much but there are going to be many years once this is said and done that we will still need help coping. We are open to discussing our situation with everyone, but we think this will give us a HUGE step in the right direction. It will be nice to just have a random stranger to dump all of our feelings and emotions on. 
I have a history of Postpartum depression, something I am very open to discussing, it really bothered me with Jillian that I felt so disconnected from my little girl but admitting it, dealing with it and treating it has put me in an amazingly good place. And a month after I had Mallory I was back on medication and I can honestly say that I am thankful that I decided to do that because I am holding it together a lot better than I would be had I not done that. I still have rough days, don't get me wrong, there is NO miracle to treating depression but it makes the days a lot brighter even when the clouds are so heavy.

Someday we will be the rocks for another family and it gives me hope.

This Friday My little Miss Malibu will be 3 MONTHS OLD! Crazy, time just flew by (thats most likely due to spending so much time in the hospital and at doctors apts)

(She's a total and complete goob!)

And Next Friday my Little Miss Jilly Bean will be 2 YEARS OLD!!! Seriously how did my girls get so big so fast?

(Any good Mom would wipe the cheesy pringles stain off there kids face before taking a picture. But this Mom just doesn't have time! Plus its kind of cute in my opinion)

Hope Everyone has some great days leading up to Christmas! I know we're gonna make the best of it with the cards we've been dealt. :-)



  1. I as your mother is very proud of the women you have become!!! I love u with all my heart...who would of thought tho!!! heheheh U know what i'm talking about...Don't u worry about Jillian, I wont feed her M and M's for breakfast..only fruit loops!! Give Mallory a huge kiss from me and tell her i pray all the time for her!!! God will see u through this with family by your side!!!!

  2. I heard about your family from our friend Brittany, we had photos taken at the fundraiser for Mallory. Turns out we only live a few houses away from you. We are praying that the chemo goes well and really doesn't bother Mallory much.

  3. Ashley, you are very mature for your young age. Looks like life got in the way and made you that way FAST. Wonderful job on the blogs and I really appreciate what you are doing and also putting this information out for everyone to see. Praying for Mallory and her very strong family in the next few months.

    Love, Cousin Gail

  4. I love your honesty!!! It takes a brave, strong person to put themselves out there but it brings hope, healing, and restoration to the one reading. You can see how God's light is shinning through this horrible situation. Our prayers will continue for you, baby Mallory, and your entire family. Have a Blessed Christmas!!!
    Kim Bramer

  5. I really love your honesty through this process! If you had a Mom blog I would regular it! God bless Miss Mallory!