Sunday, February 12, 2012


One of the hardest parts of Cancer for me isn't watching my daughter suffer. It's watching my 2 year old be raised by someone else. This does not mean that I do not appreciate every ounce of help we have gotten but I am a stay at home Mom that now has to give over control, that has to have faith in Mallory's doctors, to have faith in my mother that she will raise my daughter the same way I would (she did an AMAZING job raising me so I have no doubts whatsoever that she's doing an AMAZING job with Jillian!).

Cancer has given me a new perspective. A perspective I wish I could give to each and every one of you. I would never wish this upon anyone but I wish I could share some of the knowledge I have gained.

Perspective to me means no longer having absolute control, it means letting down my guard and allowing myself to learn from this terrible situation. It is no longer about thinking about walking in someone elses shoes, its about walking in them myself.

Perspective is when your child's first round of chemo doesn't work, and you go onto plan B, it gives us the perspective to not take our health or our children's health for granted.

Perspective is when you know the kid, 4 rooms down from you is fighting for his life, that he needs someone to die so that he can live.

Perspective is when the sweet girl you met in clinic is rubbing your daughters bald head and smiling about how much she thinks Mallory loves her (and trust me Mallory DOES love her) and knowing that this girl is fighting for her life as well. With a little bit of hair and a WHOLE LOT OF HEART!

Perspective is when you get a call from a Mother sharing her daughters struggle with cancer, listening to her weep about losing her baby. And knowing not a single word can be said to make her struggle any easier.

Perspective is accepting that you do not understand each individual struggles. Perspective does not hold a person back, it only makes them wiser.

Perspective has shown me that when I'm downstairs folding laundry and I come upstairs to see my 2 year old's beautiful crayon artwork all over my white counter tops that it doesn't matter, it is accepting the fact that she is 2 and in 10 years she won't be drawing all over everything.

Perspective isn't about feeling sorry for someone, it's not about letting other people's struggles consume you, it's about watching through the window, counting your blessings, and it's about making the road you walk a wiser, stronger, and more resilient journey.

So if you cry when you think about my daughter, know that this perspective only makes you a better person, because you haven't walked in our shoes but you yourself can be a stronger person because of it. So many of you have put forth so much effort to make this journey more bearable and less intense, Perspective to me means accepting help when I need it, when my children need it, and because of all of you I have gained the perspective to become an AMAZING person, to come out of this more alive, with a future planned and the perspective to help others like everyone has helped us.


  1. This gave me chills. Being a mom who has had two miscarriages and gone thru hell trying to accept these and that everything happens for a reason is hard. You have taught me that there is nothing more important than your children. I've always hated the fact that some people take for granted the fact that you get pregnant, deliver a baby and have a perfect life. Things aren't that way for everyone unfortunately. I will never ever take my son and any future children I may have for granted. He drives me crazy everyday, but I know I would rather be crazy than not have him at all. So thank you for this perspective, one I thought I had, but you have shown me that there is even more to it.
    I love you guys!! I can't wait to come visit Mallory and the rest of you as soon as we are healthy.

  2. All I can is amazing. Once again, your post has made me think, reflect, grow, learn, and look at myself and others around me with the word you expressed so well-perspective. I really hope you take everything you have written and put it in a book someday. Your wisdom and journey would touch and help people all over. We are all continuing to pray for Mallory in Florida.

  3. Thank you for sharing those thoughts, Ashley. That was very well said! I couldn't stop reading it.
    I hope you have a good day today filled with as many smiles and laughter as possible. One day, this nightmare will be a bittersweet memory, something you will take with you as a lesson to live every day to the fullest. And like you said, because of these trials, you will appreciate & treasure every minute of your life. From great suffering sometimes comes the greatest gifts. Not everyone will ever endure true suffering but not everyone truly lives either. These trials will make you wiser and stronger. It will open pathways in your heart for you to love harder and dig deeper and live each day reveling in the gift that it is. I'm glad as you go through this journey, you are taking from it all that you can. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, you are allowing yourself to learn other valuable lessons that can be found in hardship. That is a special thing. You are a special person. I admire your strength. Not to be strong all the time but a constant inner strength to be drawn on when needed. You are doing an amazing job handling everything you have been given. My prayers and thoughts are with Miss Mallory as always.
    Allyn (Sanders)

  4. Absolutely beautiful. I do not know you, but you and your family are in my prayers every night. Thank you for the perspective you have given me.