Friday, January 13, 2012

You make me laugh when I want to cry

So since the birth of Mallory I have not had a moment to "think" about Ryan and I's relationship, We've pushed it to the sideline, and we have just been coexisting. We knew that this would happen, that babies cause stress, an imbalance, and it takes time to readjust but throw in Cancer and it takes an even bigger tole on a relationship.

Tonight I arrived at the Baymont Hotel room at 5:30, by myself, with a heavy load on my heart and mind. It's time for a Momcation. A Momcation is where you just step back, be selfish, and relax. Something I have not been able to do in a few months, the stress of the last month and a half has been overwhelming.

I love my girls with all my heart which is why I am stepping away for a few days, so I can rebuild my strength, feel better, and get on with life again.

I hit the point where I couldn't sleep but needed to, couldn't eat but I needed to, couldn't stop crying but needed to. I felt myself falling apart, I felt like I just could no longer be a good Mother, a Good person, or a Good Wifetobe. So here I am checked into a hotel, because I need a much needed break.

The guilt of being a bad "Wife to be" is horrible. I have been short, snippy, and just a miserable person to be around and unfortunately most of this gets thrown at Ryan. He asks me "How I am doing" and somehow I find this offensive, I find everything offensive. I haven't given him any credit lately.

Let me tell you something about Ryan.
He is a good Dad, no let me take that back He is a GREAT DAD! These girls are the luckiest girls in the whole world because they have Ryan.

He is my best friend.

And I do not give him enough credit.

Ryan is the type of person that puts other peoples needs in front of his own, he is what has been keeping me together. He makes me laugh. He makes me a better person. This Man is AMAZING.

Life has thrown us a curve ball, and it sure doesn't feel fair. But we will make it Babe, we will.

So here I am, feet up in a king size bed, I've already taken a shower, ate dinner, and relaxed. And the only person I can thank right now is Ryan. Because he is truely amazing, because when everything is falling down around us he stands tall. He takes care of us. And I love him so much. He has been so supportive, he loves his ladies, and by giving me a break this weekend he understood that I needed it, that it was the only way to get me back on my feet. Girls be jealous because I am NOT giving him up, EVER, EVER, EVER!

I love my family and I miss them but for the next 2 nights I am going to work on me, feeling better, and get myself back together to help Miss Malibu kick this cancers ass.



  1. You amaze me Ashley...The way u write...its amazing!!! You two are made for each other....I couldn't be more proud of both of you!!!! Daddy and I love u all so very much!! We will always be there for you!!!

  2. You are amazing! This actually brought tears to my eyes. Your love for each other is so incredible. You are both do lucky to have each other. I am so proud of you for admitting that you need this. I don't think you are selfish at all. All moms need a break and you more than deserve this. I hope you get everything you want and need out of this weekend and come home a happier and stronger momma!! Those girls are lucky to have such a great family!! Enjoy your time!