Thursday, January 19, 2012

To my Dear Friend

A lot has changed since November of 2010. There was a  baby shower was for my friend Jessica, she was a childhood friend that we lost touch with over the years, her family was a HUGE part of my life growing up, I remember so much about them. And let me tell you they are STILL amazing people to this day, although we lost touch we're starting to rebuild our relationships with there family. Through this whole ordeal with Mallory they have been there for us, they have truly just stepped up to the plate and have given our family their hands and hearts. We adore them, Thank You Nancy, Steve, Jess, Ryan and Little Landon. You are little lights to us.

God did something miraculous through Jess's baby shower, he introduced me to one of many Great people. One of them being this adorable cute petite blonde haired girl, Her name is Erika. Let me tell you something about this girl, she is AMAZING. We talked at Jess's shower about our little girls and low and behold her daughter Kylynn is only 9 days younger than our Jillian. Little did I know that this small conversation would escalate into a friendship that has developed so much since then. 

God sent me Erika, he somehow knew I would NEED her. It's all in the big picture. She facebooked messaged me about a play date with girls, and as a mom you are always hesitant about introducing your children to other kids, what if this mom doesn't agree with the way I parent? what if our kids don't get along? what if its awkward? I had only talked to her 1 time before driving up to her house for our first play date. Needless to say it took maybe a whole whooping 4 minutes to get over the nerves of mustering up the guts to start talking, and ever since then we haven't stopped. I spend more time on the phone with her than ANYONE else. We can talk for hours on end.

She relates to me, and I relate to her. We don't judge each other, we don't judge each others parenting, we help each other. We've laughed together, we've cried, we've had a great time. So what we lose our temper with our kids, we let them watch too much TV, we let them run circles around us, so what. They are good kids, no parent is perfect and we have both come to accept it. There is no "book" that teaches you to parent, our girls are totally different and in someways totally the same, and it's fun. We compare our girls, but it's not to put each other down its to celebrate there differences. Because they are different, no 2 children are the same, we accept that, we love our girls. I love Kylynn as if she was my own baby. I could give her tons of hugs and kisses because she is an AMAZING little girl.

Last night I called her while I was on my way to pick up some diet coke (no surprise there) from Family Fare, and I knew she was having a few rough days and wanted to surprise her with a bottle of wine. Her husband just changed shifts and is now on 3rd shift, making it impossible for her to get out of the house, and I'm sure if your a Mom you can image how exhausting it can be stuck in the house with a needy 2 year old for days on end. So we had some wine and we talked.

I finally figured it out, God sent me Erika to restore my faith in him. To restore my faith in religion. A lot of people have said to me that I need faith to get through these difficult times but its hard to keep faith when your child is ill. But it wasn't God or religion that made my baby sick, it was the world, it was something far from God that did this to my baby. I question my faith everyday since this has started. I am far from perfect, I do not go to church, I do not discuss religion on a daily basis, I don't acknowledge God's presence in my life. And life isn't black and white, and there is a reason why we are going through this. Erika made me realize this, that God has a plan for our family. I think this battle with Cancer not only affects my child, it affects us, it affects Jillian, and it affects my friends and family around us.

I have been brought to my knee's, I need to change. I need to have faith, I need to keep faith, I need to believe in faith. We had the path of life decided for us, our baby has Cancer. So now we have to have faith, we need to keep it, and we have to believe in it. That everything in life does in fact happen for a reason. Cancer is not what defines us as a family, it's just the beginning of what amazing things life has planned for us. This happened to our family because God knew we were strong people, that we could make a difference, and although its been a tough road, we are going to make it.

God gave me Erika because he KNEW that I would need her, he knew that she was the right person to help get me through this. That she would be the PERFECT shoulder to lean on, that she would love our family unconditionally, that she was the one person that could make a difference.

So Erika G. just so you know you are amazing, I cannot thank God enough for putting you in our life. For being a great person, for helping us through this, seriously I am a better person because of you. I am excited for the years ahead, I am excited to see what life has in store for us and our girls. Thank You Erika, Thank You.


  1. Literally made me cry. You know, it is so easy to get caught up and brought down by circumstance, but to have someone going through it with you... Someone else (besides the immediate family who have to deal with it on a daily basis in the same capacity you do) to lean on... It really makes all the difference. And knowing that it is Erika holding your hand, and you that is holding hers, gives me that much more faith that you will all kick whatever is holding you back and persevere. You are righy, she is an amazibg woman... But so are you!

  2. Ok, so yesterday I started the morning with my two year old biting me.... and today I'm starting my morning crying because I have the absolute best friend in the whole world. I can't believe with all you are going through, that you would take the time and dedicate this whole post to our friendship and say such wonderful things about me as a person and as a mom. I am so unbelievably touched Ash. I couldn't agree more, God brought us together for a reason. You have been there for me when I needed to vent, cry, laugh, be brutally honest about my life and feelings... and have helped me get through different trials in my life. I am so blessed to have your family, and when Mallory was diagnosed with cancer it was such a blow to my heart because you ARE my family! I love those little girls like my own, and you like a sister! Last night was just PERFECT to be able to talk, vent, laugh, and again.. cry! Except this time it was with out our little goof balls running around! Thank you for always knowing exactly what I need, and what I need to hear whether it's good or bad! I love love love love love you Ash! You're such a strong woman and amazing Mom and friend! <3

  3. this is an amazing post!! ( not that they haven't all been great :-) but I can just hear and feel the relief in your words that your heart is stronger now !!
    it is amazing how friendships can rekindle and new friendships can start over one chance meeting..
    I am so glad that you and your Mom came to Jess's shower and we have all had the chance to start again!!
    We all love you very much and its a wonderful thing to see how the little girl that I used to play with and take home with me has gown to such a wonderful woman and Mom and friend and daughter.
    All my Love to all of you :-)

  4. I have strong faith, but there were many times I had more questions that answers, still do, especially when my mom got cancer, about why there was pain and suffering in the world, especially with innocent children and wonderful people. A pastor, and other people of great faith, always told me it's beyond my understanding. I always remember that when my questions don't have answers, it's about faith. It's interesting that as many pastors, priests, etc. have tried to explain faith and why certain things happen, your post said it in such a way that totally rings true, makes so much sense, and comforts so many people who are going through trials right now. Your posts are an inspiration to so many.