Saturday, April 14, 2012

When you fight you fight HARD

I have so many things to be thankful for.

#1 is my WONDEFUL amazingly beautiful daughters. They have taught me so much, they have given me the will to keep going every single day. They are worth every tear, every ounce of energy I have, and I am forever greatful for the joy they bring to my life.

#2 is my AMAZING incredible significant other Ryan. Things have not been easy, and even though we have a lot of things to work on we keep going. He keeps going, he never gives up, and he has more faith in me than I think I do sometimes. So as much as this last week has hurt both of us, in the end it taught me a huge VALUABLE  lesson to never take for grantated a single day I get to spend with him. Relationships don't just work on there own, you have to fight to keep them alive, to keep going, and a lot of the time it's not the easiest path. But that boy I may bitch about so much about at times has been the biggest part of my life the almost 7 years we've been together and I am not letting him go. Even if it means re-evaluating our relationship, working on the weaknesses, and crawling through mud, I'm not giving up.

#3 my dedicated parents. They have been there through EVERYTHING, they have picked me up off the floor, listened to me complain, supported me, and taken care of not only me but my girls whenever we have needed them. For this I can never repay, I can only hope to mean as much to my daughters as they do to me.

#4 to all the wonderful people that have helped us in tough times. With your words of encouragement, your prayers, your cards, your calls, the gifts, every little thing has been noticed. Without you guys we wouldn't have made it this far, To every person that has helped us, You MEAN THE WORLD TO OUR FAMILY!

#5 to every kid that is fighting this terrible thing called "cancer". You are MY Heros! You do it with such dignity and grace, something I know that I would never have if I had to be in your shoes. To all the wonderful kids that have touched my life and even those I have never met or who are no longer with us we love you all dearly and will never stop fighting to find a cure for you all.

There are many things I feel very blessed for, more than I could ever write down. I wish I could write a list of every person who has ever said a prayer for us but we hit 100,000 viewers on our blog and that's just a lot of names to people that I will forever be grateful for.

I am feeling at peace tonight, I am sleeping in our house, in our bed, with my 2 year old in the room next to me. I know Ryan is having a wonderful night with Miss Mallory. She only has 2 more chemo rounds left and in 3 weeks we will have all the pieces of the puzzle put together and a better indication of where to go from here. This should be her last round of chemo. Her catacholomines where slightly elevated before this round of chemo but it could be because of "diet". There is a long list of foods that you are supposed to avoid before this test and we did not ever get the list since she just really started eating solids. So in 3 weeks when they re-run the numbers she will be on a "formula" only diet so that hopefully we will get better numbers. We should hopefully have dates set for her MIBG, CT, and ultrasound of her liver by Tuesday (the day we get discharged from the hospital). So we are going to need all the prayers we can get leading up to these scans.

I am looking forward to my 1st therapist appointment on Thursday, hopefully I will learn some new coping mechanisms before we get closer to scan times. Last time she had scans I was getting physically ill from all the stress of them.

The ladies from Baby center raised 3,031$ to pay for Mallory's ALK test. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! One more thing that we don't have to worry about because of a very generous random act of kindness. You Ladies are once again AMAZING! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

We love you all, good night!


  1. I pray every waking moment for Mallory..and for you and find get back to that place you guys fell in love...Daddy and I cant imagine life with our any of you in it!!! We love Ryan like a son....Hes my Favorite son in law...hes an AWESOME dad and and AWESOME man to you Ashley!! As a family...we will fight for Mallory and for you and Ryan. I can help with just have to let me know what that ANYTHING is!! I don't want to over step on any sometimes its hard to just pop over and clean or what ever. I'm happy you can call me and at a drop of a hat I can be there for you both. Im so thankful that I don't work..and if i did...I wouldn't be now anyway!! I'm thankful for Daddy for understanding how much I need to be there for you all. He's my Rock Star...But Mallory is the true hero here.. her fight..her smiles..her snuggles..her sister waiting for her to get better so they can play. Once again at 5 am in the morning you Ashley have touched my heart. Who would of thought that huh!!! I cant wait for your cook outs this summer of stuffed burgers on the grill. I sure do miss that.. and lots of wet burritos for Ryan!!! (promise i wont make them so big) lol

    I love you Ashley and Ryan!!!!
    But I love them girls more:)

    1. I have got to learn to proof read before I post through tears!!! lol

  2. Wonderful news all the way around!!! Mallorys story touched so many hearts at our craft show yesterday, there are a lot of good hearted people out there, its amazing! Laura, your reply brought tears to my eyes as well. Those kids are so lucky and blessed to have you. I cant wait until a celebration party for Mall when this is done. 100,000, unreal, just totally unreal!!!!!!!!

  3. As you can see Ashley did not get her writing skills from ME lol

  4. Thank you Lord... for taking care of this family (Ryan, Ashley, Jillian & Mallory) you have given them the strength to fight this battle. Lord, it is your hands that brought them together and with your hands you will keep them together. Our God is an AWESOME God! Amen.

    I feel so blessed to have met you guys, you are truly amazing. Ashely, I love how you always put things down on paper, that is a true blessing that I feel has helped you grow and get through this battle, I wish I could do it. It will do you good to speak with someone and get their words of wisdom and support to help you. You have touched my life in a very special way.

    Our prayer warriors will keep on going to get this family thru this awful thing called "Cancer".

    Blessings to you Ryan & Ashely!

  5. You are in a better place this Sunday- I am happy for you guys. :) I am also glad the baby is doing well this round.

  6. We are always praying!!!!

  7. I have just recently started following your blog and I can't even begin to describe how I feel. You are an amazing person for how you are dealing with this. My daugther, Lillian is the same age as Mallory and I can't imagine watching her go through that. That sweet little girl is a fighter and even though I don't know her, I am so proud of her. Babies are tough. I would not being smiling through that process if it were me.
    I read your blog everyday that you update it, and every time I cry my eyes out... Even at work and I'm a Marine stationed in Japan.. So when all the other male Marines walk by and start making fun of me, I show them your blog and have them read it and they get choked up. Every single one of them. Some even have to leave the room... You're an inspiration. You and your family. I will keep you in my prayers and WHEN Mallory gets better, I will celebrate:] She will get better.