Thursday, February 2, 2012

Am I allowed to reapeat

What the $%#*? (I censored this time or spectrum health deems my language inappropriate to view)

Mallory is in surgery, another open abdominal procedure. It is pretty guaranteed that there will be spilling of the tumor which can cause more cancer growth from just doing the biopsy.

The histology could be worse than originally thought.

They are pretty positive that its growing from not responding to treatment and not dying. Majority of tumors shrink or remain the same size and do not grow.

So pretty much none of this is good.

So thankful my mom is here to support Mally and us. Although this is not as complicated as the last surgery it is still huge. This could potentially change the game, I almost feel like this is bigger than the last one. Our sweet Mallory is fighting a horrible cancer and we could not get through it without my parents. They take the girls on a momennts notice, they take them without a single complaint, I can only hope to be the same way with my kids. They have Jillian 2 days minimum a week, plus my mom comes over almost everyday to help me.

I don't know how to ask for help. I just can't, and my wonderful mom calls me and just says "I'm on my way". I am so blessed to have her, I breathe a big sigh when I know she's coming.

I just wish and wish and. Wish wish wish wish wish wish wish this could be over. That Mallory would be fine, I fear stage 4, I fear high n-myc amplification, I fear the pain she has to suffer even more now, I fear her not getting to her first birthday, I fear losing her.

13 comments:

  1. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.We are praying that God will give you strength,peace and comfort and most of all to place His healing touch upon Mallory.Please tell you mom if there is anything we can do to help (meals or whatever) please call, Peg has my cell#. Della and Tim (East Lake campground)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ty Della...if u just want to call and chat some day that would be awesome!!!! 5317167

      Delete
  2. Been praying for you and your family all morning...and everyday...God is with you all, you are blessed with a wonderful mom and family....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Praying for relief and a successful surgery for your sweet baby girl.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your mom is hurting for you also and wants to be there for you as much or even more than you, as she has to see you go through this. I don't know you, but my heart breaks for you. No parent, grandparent or child, should ever be forced to go through something so devistating. My continued thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm a Sept 11 mom also and saw a post about your blog on babycenter when you first got the diagnosis. I haven't posted even though I've been reading. I just wanted you to know that my heart breaks for you and I pray for Mallory, you and your family daily. I totally connect with what you say in your posts...they are so real. Thank you for sharing Mallory's story, praying it ends happily and soon! (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am as well. My son was born on sept 11 and I couldn't imagine what you are going thru. I just cut your hubby's hair and I was about to start. Crying while he was telling me about mallory. I tried to tell the girls at the salon and I couldn't bc I started crying. My hubby and I are praying for you and your whole family

      Delete
  6. Oh Ashley how I love u...how I love Ryan...how I love your kids....I would do anything for them and you!!! We will see Mallorys 1st, 2nd, 3rd...ect birthdays!!! We are going to kick this cancers ASS right to the curb. We are not going to settle for anything less!!! I will be there for you when ever you need me and when ever you dont!!!

    Love Mom

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Ashley how I love your mom and the wonderful person she is to you and your family. I pray for mally everyday and hope for the day that she beats cancers butt to the curb. Keep holding your head up high.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't know you, but I went to church today to pray for your beautiful baby and your family. I was on my knees praying that God heals Mallory. I just can't make sense of how this can happen to anyone and it breaks my heart. The priest was talking about illnesses and reminded us that with God ANYTHING is possible, we have to have faith and continue to pray. As a mother of young children my heart goes out to you. You have inspired me to not just sit around, I need to do something to help, to let you know you have made an impact - to make something good come out of this. I am looking for ways to volunteer to help children with cancer and signing up to be a bone marrow donor. In the meantime, keeping fighting for your girl, you have a world of support and love flowing to you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U are amazing Anonymous..sorry don't know your name!!! Your post made me smile..first time in days!!! Mallory is a fighter and so is my daughter and Ryan!!! Together we will win!!!! Hugzzzzzzzzzzzzz Laura

      Delete
  9. We don't know eachother either but my four year old daughter and I pray for your family and your precious baby every night before she goes to bed. Stay strong! She will beat this with your help. Fight the fight!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am sitting here crying and praying so hard for your daughter and your family. I have been following this blog, and though I dont know you, I have been praying for Mallory every night. My heart breaks for you. Like the poster above, your blog has also inspired me to look into becoming a bone marrow donor. Many prayers for you and Mallory. Stay strong. You're an amazing mother.

    ReplyDelete