Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Day 1 (As told by Ashley)

Here I sit in this stupid hospital room only 12 hours after we recieve the news that our beautiful 2 month old has neuroblastoma cancer. I feel like I can't breathe, I am numb and angry. Why Our Baby, Why? What did she do to deserve this? She is a BABY! Words cannot describe how much pain I feel inside. She is my baby, we planned her, I baked her, I gave birth to her, she is such a perfect round roly poly girl. And somehow life gave her cancer? Somehow through it all she still smiles, she even passed a few giggles today at us. I am trying to keep my faith that everything happens for a reasonm that god wouldnt give us more than we could handle but I can't help but feel so PISSED at God right now.

We have a few tests today that will give us a better indication of what we are dealing with. What our baby will be fighting.

I can't help but feel sorry for my oldest daughter as well, we are a cancer family now. Our lives will revolve around hospital stays, blood counts, tests, surgerys, and more things that I am sure we havent even prepared ourselves for yet. Jillian is almost 2, this is a time were we are supposed to be shaking our tushies to music, baking cookies, getting ready for christmas and her birthday and those things are put on hold for awhile.

I could barely get out of the house with the 2 of them on my own before this and now I have to juggle doctors apts, hospital stays, being a Mom of a busy toddler and a baby that is very sick. I am overwhelmed by this, and I know we have so much love and support and yet we feel so alone. We are going to have to learn to lean on everyone for help, and for me that is sooo hard. I am a stubborn stubborn woman. But both of our girls need me to be strong, to give them hope, to wipe there tears and kiss there boo boo's.

I have no idea what we're going to do. But we are a family and we are going to fight this together.


  1. You will fight it together. You guys are a great family! Ryan and you will handle it. There will be crappy days. There will be little moments of joy. DON'T let those pass you by. If you need someone to shake their booty with Jilli or bring you a meal- just ask. I am and will continue to pray.

  2. Hi I am a friend of Christy. I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Just like someone has hit you upside the head with a 2 x 4. When my son was 18, 2 weeks before him leaving for college, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. You're absolutely in a state of shock and can't believe what's happening. You hope you wake up and it's all a bad dream. But it's not. You have a rough road ahead, but have faith that Mallory will be fine in the end. Blogging is therapeutic. They didn't have these blogs back in 2001 for me, so I just sent a mass e mail to everyone. It helps to keep folks informed and yet not repeat the same information to everyone 1000 times. Stay strong and take care of yourselves. Before you know it, this will all behind you and life will return to normal, if there is such a thing after your child having cancer. It will change your life forever, but Mallory is going to be fine, I just feel it. My prayers are with your family. Keep in mind, God does NOT give children cancer. May God wrap his loving arms around you, Alice Shaeffer