HOORAY NO MORE BROVIAC!

Tomorrow is "a" BIG DAY!

BYE BYE BROVIAC!

They bumped up the peanut's surgery to have it removed because the stitches came loose.
I am a basket case. This time in a good way.

6 months ago on December 1st they put it in her, and tomorrow June 1st they are taking it out. It's bittersweet. I know she is done with it and so are we.

We have not given Mallory a bath in 6 months, we have not been able to hold her without a shirt on, we can't leave the room if we're changing clothes so everything needs to be readily avaliable and you MUST be prepared, no more shimmy and shaking for blood draws (although she will have to be poked every month), no more heparin locking her broviac every morning, no increased risk of infection due to her having a central line, and did I mention she gets to show off that cute as can be chubby tummy of hers that is ohhh so cute and ohhh so kissable.

These are happy tears today, she managed to stump so many doctors, and then exceeded there expectations and rocked at chemo. Now there is a clear light at the end of the tunnel and it is so so so beautiful.

Look how our garden grows.

"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive that is you-er than YOU!!"
-Dr. Suess

Miss Princess Pants decided that while I was inside with Miss Mally that she would grab the cup of paint I had laying in the grass and design her own headboard. At first I was mortified, but then the giggles set in and guess what it's the little things in life that matter. I think She did a GREAT job and it's a one of a kind piece. I will be adding the Dr. Suess Quote along with a few other personal touches as well. It's going to be amazing! :-)

Mallasarus has been a grumpasuras while teething. Her 2 top teeth our on there way in and her attitude is just not the same. Reminds me a little bit of chemo days except without the puking. She is sitting up on her own now as well, she's such a sweet sweet little girl.

This Perky flower is here to stay
there will be no more chemo today.

just smiles & giggles & maybe a nap
time to have lunch & time on a lap the sunshine and blue skies are telling us
that God always is there
watching, protecting, love us
& helping Mal grow some hair
- Aunt Julie & Amy wrote the poem, I just adore it.

And hair we are growing, poor girls scalp is scaly but it is SOOOOO soft and SOOOOO blonde. I can't wait till she gets a little bit more and it feels all funny, maybe she'll even have enough to rub birthday cake in it on her 1st Birthday. Hehehe. (Which I should probably start planning a little bit seeing as how it's only 4 months away! YIKES!)

Jillian and I went and bought flowers today to plant, so this year our flower box contains FLOWERS instead of weeds, imagine that! How exciting! I've got to get more pictures tomorrow, I only worked out front for 3 hours, next up is our veggie garden that we probably should have planted a few weeks ago maybe, ummm not sure, maybe someone along the way can clue us in on that. We're new to this whole planting, working around the yard thing, we've only lived in our house for 4 years. Newbies hahaha.

So in all I've stayed pretty busy, this week Thursday we have a physical for Mally, blood work, and a meeting with the doctors to go over the official results of everything. 13 more days till Mall's broviac comes out. Maybe I can beg and they can get it out sooner. I was doing her patch change today and all the stiches around it have come off so we will see what they say.

Life in our house has been better, much better, less stressful. My house is trashed, there are dishes in the sink, laundry to be folded, I'm in mid painting mode in the living room, curtains need to be hung up and so on and so forth but ehhh who cares.

I have terrible terrible anxiety that comes and goes, search for a new therapist is on the agenda. I keep having bouts of nausea (NO NOT PREGNANT) at night that sometimes end up with me getting sick because I just can't seem to calm down. There are so many people that don't make it to the remission "phase" of treatment but there wasn't this HUGE HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulders like I had thought there would be. During the day I am so busy with the girls that I'm totally fine but once it's time to settle down and go to sleep my mind just keeps playing tricks on me. What if they didn't kill ALL of the cancer? And it's not just cancer, its thinking about driving in the car with the girls, what if someone hits us? What if my kid runs out into the road and gets hit? I can't live my life fearing things that might happen and I'm doing the best I can to not worry but it just doesn't stop. It never stops. I'm not so sure that it ever will. For right now we're going from moment to moment and it's working pretty well, I just seem to be stuck in the world of the what if's right now.

Our sweet babe was diagnosed 6 months ago today, not a day goes by where I don't worry, where I don't relive that pain of her initial diagnosis. "Neuroblastoma" - we had never heard of before and here we are 6 months later more educated than we ever thought possible. No M-Nyc amplification, Favorable Histology, You name it, we've heard it. It's been so painful, so so so painful to go through, to watch Mallory suffer through it all, and to see her now and how Healthy she is and not knowing through it all that the chemo really did make her so so so sick, so pale, so restless, it was exhausting, it's exhausting just to think about. I just pray that we never have to relive those days, 6 months seems short when you talk to other parents, some cancer's are treated for years, and some kids have to go on clinical trials because the chemo that they have doesn't work, I can't even imagine, 6 months has been enough but some people do it for years and years and years. HOW UNFAIR? HOW AWFUL?


It's been great to spend the entire month of May at home for that I am entirely grateful, I am grateful Mallory has had no surgeries, no chemo, no blood transfusions, no pokes, no nothing. I am thankful that Jillian has been able to go back to a little bit more normal, she is blossoming right before our eyes finally. Thank You Lord for taking care of our family and looking after us in these times where some days it's just plain hard.

More Summer, Why Not?

I may have gone a little picture "happy" lately. :-) It's been pretty hot in Michigan lately and poor Miss Malibu is a SAUNA! That girl is ready to rock her bikini, and being pretty chunky is really cute but does not make going through the hot weather easy. Yesterday I was cooling the poor girl down with a washcloth. But we do have a broviac removal date,

JUNE 11TH!

Which in my opinion seems like an eternity away, but ehhh it'll go by quickly I hope. I've had pretty bad anxiety when it comes time to sit still and relax especially bed time. This Momma is hovering the toliet all the time, it's a strange strange feeling to have it constantly and I know that it's just everything poor Mally has been through and I'm just struggling when it comes to her being in remission because now we're just watching it. We will continue to watch it for 3 more years, I just pray that it doesn't come back, that she never has to go through this again, that our family can just be our family with out the big CANCER word in the mix all the time. I'm trying to focus all my energy on my sweet little girls and summer which has been such a RIOT but it's definitely an adjustment.

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER!

A sweet sweet summer

This weekend was INCREDIBLE for our family, we enjoyed the hot muggy Michigan weather. We are feeling at ease with the place that Mallory is at finally, she did better than the doctors thought she would. She endured horrible chemo, surgeries, fevers, the whole nine yards and here we are "remission".

Remission is tough for me, they saw a few small spots on her liver still but they have no reason to believe that it is "active neuroblastoma" at this point. Because of these small lesions that are left she will have scans every 2 months to make sure that they are not growing. Her tumor is over 50% smaller than its original size and there was no MIBG take up on the scan so currently there is no reason to believe she would benefit from any additional treatment and that to the best of there knowledge she is in remission.

Remission is tough, we still have 3 years to wait before the deem her fully "cured" of cancer.

For now we are just thankful she made it this far, that we get to have a normal summer, once we get the broviac out she will be able to take a bath, go swimming (in her new 2 piece bikini), and lay around in just a diaper. After all that she's been through she totally is going to be "just a baby" for once. She's rocking some awesome peach fuzz now, she's almost crawling, and she's doing AMAZING. We are going to do our best to not dwell on "what if's" at this point, we're going to take it a day at a time, and just be thankful for the many many blessings in our lives.

Did I mention Mal is totally going to rock a 2 piece bikini? How awesome is that!

My birthday is on Tuesday (the 22nd), last year on my birthday we were blessed with the good news that we would be having another Daughter! A DAUGHTER! In ranks in one of the top moments of my life. I am so very lucky that I have 2 amazing kiddo's and my life is just so much better because of them. My birthday's are much better, holidays are much better, I couldn't imagine what we did before we had them. The past 6 months have been totally worth every tear, every fight, every breath, I wouldn't trade either of my girls for a "normal" life. My life is pretty stellar even with the chaos.

I am so amazed by how much we can breathe again, the past 6 months have been no walk in the park. Ryan and I had an amazing weekend, we are feeling great about where we are at, we climbed a giant mountain and we are making it. Things were rocky but its bound to just get better from here. He's an amazing hubadubs, my best friend, and the BEST DAD in the whole world. We're back to normal, we're happy, we're so lucky to have each other. He's my rock. I love him with all my heart <3

Jillian makes us laugh all the time, we totally have her saying "Sissy Goofball" now. She's been through so much too, 6 months of her Mom and Dad leaving all the time, no stability, and more diet coke than any 2 year old should ever have. We're getting back to the swing of things and she's bounced right back into place, and each and everyday we are just taken back by how awesome she is. We can't say enough good things about her, she's smart, she goes with the flow, and she is constantly making us laugh. We love our Jilly Bean! :-)



I will update again as soon as I talk to Mally's nurse hopefully tomorrow. I've got my fingers crossed that they can get her broviac out ASAP!

Piece of Cake :-)